Today has been one of those days.
You know the kind I’m talking about.
The kind of day that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and doubtful.
The kind that zaps you of your strength and threatens to steal your joy.
The sort of day that leaves you both mentally and physically exhausted.
And nearly robs you of your sanity and the will to fight.
Yeah, THAT kind of a day!
Allow me to paint you a picture.
I woke up this morning feeling rejuvenated after a decent night’s sleep. I ran the list of must-do’s through my mind. Full of energy and fresh perspective at the dawn of a new day, I thought to myself, today will be a good day.
And then I got out of bed.
The day didn’t necessarily start out poorly. I poured myself a cup of coffee, made the littles some breakfast, read my morning devotional, and picked up my laptop to prepare our school work for the day.
That’s when it began.
Nothing but problems. First with the internet, and then with the software. I wrestled with the likes of technology for over an hour, until finally it relented.
The children and I spent four and a half, grueling hours of fully supervised time on school work, before we could alas, call it a day.
Understand, this is not normally the case. Typically the children are able to tackle their school work rather independently. However on this day in particular, they needed me present during every minute of those four hours, as I bounced back and forth between kids.
Talk about mental fatigue!
And wouldn’t you know it. Here she comes, waltzing in through the back door- Doubt.
She rears her ugly head from time to time. Her voice has an uncanny familiarity.
Did I make the right choice about home-schooling the kids?
What was I possibly thinking? I can’t do this!
I must have been crazy to think that I could possibly care for a newborn baby, keep up on housework, maintain a healthy diet, write a thoughtful blog, AND home school my children!
I may have had a momentary lapse in sound judgment.
As I wrapped up our studies for the day, my eyes slowly perused the house.
I resisted the urge to reference the old 90’s children show, The Big Comfy Couch, yelling “who made this big mess?” Because not unlike the show, I would eventually have to face the cold, hard truth- “oh yeah, WE did, didn’t we?”
You see, somewhere along the way, life happened.
Dishes piled high, laundry went unnoticed, floors were neglected, dinner prep was forgotten, and the 5 year old twincesses ran amuck throughout it all.
And just like that, I stood passively by as Joy tiptoed out the front door.
I would turn and wave, but I was too disgruntled to bother.
Oh well. This house won’t clean itself. Best get to work.
As I began folding the first of many loads of laundry, my mind wanders and my thoughts drift, landing on the subject of finances. Not my favorite landing strip, mind you.
Currently speaking, our bank account is lacking, our cupboards are near bare, septic tanks need to be pumped, medical bills pour in from an unforeseen trip to the ER, the gas tanks in every vehicle we own are on empty, our line of credit is maxed out, and my son’s dental work is on hold until further notice.
And I feel it. Peace, slip right out the window.
Replaced by fret and worry. Not very welcome companions, might I add.
I’m not typically prone to worrying about finances. My hubby usually worries enough for us both.
But even I can see that we are in need of a miracle!
My sanity is close to buckling underneath the weight of it all.
And I am tempted to throw in the towel and call it a day.
He whispers, “Come to me, you who are weary and burdened. And I will give you rest.”
I faintly hear Him. Calling me. Prodding me.
But my mind is busy and distracted.
Once more He whispers, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
But it’s SO hard, Jesus!
Again He whispers, “My grace is sufficient for you. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.”
I feel my resolve begin to wane.
The tears, no longer held at bay, are released, and gush forth like a tidal wave.
And like a warm blanket draped over my weary soul, His peace washes over me.
Sigh…these kind of days happen more often than I’d like to admit.
As a stay-at-home mom who is frequently left alone with her thoughts, I often find my mind drifting out to sea.
Into uncharted waters.
And trust me, it is hard to reel them back in, once they escape.
But I am learning the importance of “taking every thought captive, and making it obedient to Christ.”
Fortunately, Jesus never leaves us to navigate the storms of life on our own.
He is always there- whispering, beckoning, pursuing.
If we would but give ear to His gentle reminders, we could regain composure, and capture our aimless thoughts before they capsize, and our entire day is lost.
When we allow the words of Jesus to sink in deep, we are capable of riding out the rest of our days on seas of calm.
Regardless of our circumstances.
We don’t have to keep company with doubt, frustration or fear.
We can choose Jesus.
We can choose to listen to His voice and replace our thoughts with His.
We can choose peace.
“Incline your ear and come to Me; hear, and your soul will revive; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercy promised to David.” (Isaiah 55:3)
I wonder…what might Jesus be saying to you?
(2 Corinthians 12:9) (Psalm 46:10) (2 Corinthians 10:5) (Mathew 11: 28-30)